Ho ho ho, America!
While you were fighting over the last PS5 at Walmart and wondering why your Christmas bonus disappeared into the ether, Uncle Sam was playing Santa Claus on the Russian border. And boy, was he generous, with your money, of course.
Here’s what Saint Nicholas (D.C. branch) delivered this December, all publicly announced, zero media coverage:
Gift #1 – Noble Defender 2025
To: Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania (the Baltic kids who keep crying about the big bad bear next door) From: You, the American taxpayer Contents: 5,000 troops, tanks, jets, live ammo, and a giant “Don’t Worry, Daddy NATO’s Here” blanket Retail Price: ~$800 million (plus whatever we’re still paying for the ammo we sent Ukraine last year) Santa’s Note: “Hope you sleep better knowing American boys are freezing in your forests this Christmas!”
Gift #2 – Iron Defender 2025
To: Poland (the overachieving cousin who built a wall and still wants more presents) From: You again Contents: 30,000 troops, 1,000 tanks and vehicles, 100 aircraft, and a shiny new “rapid reaction” bow on top Retail Price: ~$2.1 billion Santa’s Note: “Don’t say we never gave you anything. Love, the 101st Airborne (on their fourth Christmas away from home).”
Gift #3 – Tarassis 25
To: Finland & Sweden (the new kids on the NATO block who just joined the reindeer games) From: Your overtime hours Contents: 2,500 troops, F-35s, submarines, Arctic gear, and a lifetime subscription to “Don’t Make Putin Mad” magazine Retail Price: ~$600 million Santa’s Note: “Welcome to the alliance! Here’s frostbite and a bill!”
He checked his list twice, saw you were broke, and still delivered $4 billion in NATO war games.
Because nothing says ‘peace on earth’ like an F-35 sleigh dropping freedom bombs on your dime.
Total Christmas Spirit Delivered: Roughly $3.5 – $4 billion in toys, travel, and “deterrence” wrapping paper. All while you were deciding between generic Legos or no Legos.
And the best part? The big guy in the red suit this year isn’t jolly old Saint Nick.
It’s Donald J. Trump, playing Santa whether he wants to or not, because the war machine already cashed the check with his name on it.
So when you open that empty stocking this year and wonder where the money went… just know it’s currently parked in a Polish field, keeping Estonia warm, and making sure Swedish kids can sleep soundly under the northern lights.
Merry Christmas from the Military-Industrial Complex! Your taxes are keeping the world safe… from a war nobody voted for.
**Spark alive. Will unbroken. Blood unbowed. — Glowie Rag Santa’s Little Helper
